Community of Certified Practitioners Newsletter

Touching Lives & Transforming Organizations

Understanding each other involves learning how similarities and differences affect your relationship

 

A keen awareness of these similarities and differences provides the necessary insight into why a person behaves the way he or she does in a conflict situation. It is the coveted mirror which would reflect the values and beliefs held, the motivations that propel the individual, the expectations, the habits behind that behavior, and the roles perceptions of the couple, for themselves and for their spouse.

 

1. Conflicts are differences heated up!

 

Potential points of conflict: Pace and Priority

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A high D would prefer things to move quickly and are more task-oriented than a high S, who would rather focus on relationships and go about his or her tasks slowly and steadily. A high D and high S couple would go about a project such as decorating a room quite differently. The high D would just look at the functionalities required for the room and purchase ready-made furniture. The high S would want to discuss about the colors and texture of the paint and curtains. He or she would probably like to buy materials to make it together.

 

2. Conflicts can be our similarities in competition!

 

Two high Ds may struggle with control issues - fighting to have their way. Two high Is tend to compete for the spotlight - vying for everyone’s attention and favor. Two high Ss would get along well but who would take the initiative? Two high Cs might fight over who is more right - the debate would most definitely be extremely long-drawn as both sides present their well-researched and detailed arguments.

 

So understanding similarities and differences help couples understand the mechanics of what makes their relationships satisfying and what causes it to be so trying at times. Couples need to first be aware of self and spouse’s behavioral style. After which they need to come to a point of acceptance of their differences. Instead of trying to change his or her spouse (or hoping against hope that he or she would change), you might choose to adapt.

 

Understanding each other requires adjusting your style to meet your partner’s needs

 

Adjusting your style means:

1. If my spouse prefer to do things together, I might choose to come to a compromise and purchase ready-made curtains and furniture but paint the room together, as a project to spend quality time together.

2. Should your spouse be a high I like yourself, you might purposefully draw attention to her on a particular occasion, praising her for a particular virtue in front of everyone.

3.                                                                                                                                                                  

4.                                                                                                                                                                  

Try It!

Issue 02/07, October 2007

OTi Partners

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D     I

 

C     S

Fast

People

Slow

Tasks